Suddenly all the Facebook status updates have changed to being ‘in a relationship’ or worse ‘engaged’ or even worse ‘married’!!! Suddenly all your school friends start bringing their better half’s to annual parties and alumni meets, new year and Xmas eve parties (they don't even leave the birthdays out!). Just suddenly you realize it’s been 2 years you broke up with a man you were almost married to! And suddenly you realize you haven’t been able to love again and turned commitment phobic! You treat love as a business deal. Liking or being with someone comes with agreements and clauses and amending the clauses requires draft working papers like in a MUN! The deal gets called off due to non agreement of parties concerned on various clauses! If it were a stock, it would have strong fundamentals with much technical volatility! Phew! Freud would call it the theory of transference! The past does scar you. Someone’s said – Love like you’ve never been hurt before! But is that really possible ever? It is ...if you allow yourself to let go! But that letting go also has an after taste to it although its been well received by your system and taken in! (Read taken out!) We all find ourselves building a wall around us which makes it hard for someone to break open and harder for us to break and get out of. Why do we do this to ourselves when life’s all about the choices we make? We have a choice to forget the past, heal all scars and love like we’ve never been hurt before! We have a choice to walk right into a relationship with that someone who loves us deeply! But such people begin to scare you! And these are exactly the people you have no sexual chemistry with! You sit staring blank into the open window and wonder why you were so secure with cat whiskers yesterday and suddenly get bouts of insecurity with specific external stimuli! (blast from the past I say!) Its the same stimuli that was responsible for your relationship not working out! Think about it! And while your still sitting and staring you wonder what went wrong with the world around you? What is this mad obsession with being uber successful and perfect? What am I trying to prove and to whom? Your life to an objective outsider is picture perfect – A nice home, a lovely loving family, proper education, a career in place, a great social circle…the works! But there is something that’s missing, isn’t it? Do I really want what I’m talking about? Yes I do. But what after that? That too comes with its share of setbacks! With that comes responsibility and expectations. And the saga of human conflict continues. And you know what... you realise your not the only one! (getting sadistic pleasure out of knowing that?) Human predisposition! We don’t live in a Utopian world. So what do I really want? The answer is companionship. It’s lovely to have a special person. Just the feeling of knowing the persons existence amidst your routine (packed with changes of course!). Just the feeling of knowing he loves you when you can’t give yourself enough of it...even if its attraction mistaken for liking or loving! Just kidding! Someone who lets you be. Someone who doesn’t judge you by the degree you hold, the house you live in or the work you do. Someone who you can watch a movie with, party with, laugh with, cry with and at the same time contain yourself in long hours of silence with...the kind of containment that feels right. The answer is - a lover in disguise of a best friend (or the other way round). Depends. Not a knight in shining armour. Exactly the reason why unlabelled relationships don’t get bitter but labelled ones do if they don’t work out! -) Cheers single-hood! No really! :) Cheers!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment